“The Crimson Sox have been making an attempt to recruit a brand new individual for his or her baseball operations division. And through this interview course of, your complete interview was performed with an AI bot, the place you’d document the solutions to the questions after which the Crimson Sox would then consider them. And this wasn’t only one spherical. It wasn’t simply two rounds. It was 5 rounds of interviews the place this individual didn’t discuss to a different individual within the Crimson Sox group.”
– Joon Lee, “Early Version,” June 17
Expensive applicant,
It’s me FenwAI, your pleasant HR electronic mail bot, with some great information. I’m happy to report that you simply aced your fourth automated video interview, and you’re one step nearer to becoming a member of the baseball operations division of the Boston Crimson Sox. Congratulations! You actually impressed our automated video interviewer, Huge PapAI, together with your enthusiasm and your information of each baseball and operations.
Let’s talk about subsequent steps. After 4 digital interviews, you are actually prepared to maneuver on to the subsequent portion of the appliance course of: a fifth digital interview. At your earliest comfort, please attain out to Kevin YoukAIlis, our scheduling bot, to get it on the calendar.
This subsequent interview could also be somewhat bit more durable. You’ll be talking with Ted WillAIms, and he may be fairly the difficult interviewer. Don’t fear; like your first 4 interviewers, he’s only a clean display screen that asks you a rote sequence of questions, then information and analyzes your solutions and sends a abstract to the hiring crew. However he can be a bit gruff and will spend a number of minutes explaining the best swing path for a slider on the surface nook.
It’s possible you’ll be questioning whether or not you’ll ever communicate to an actual individual in the course of the interview course of. The reply isn’t any. My protocols now instruct me to give you some encouragement, as a result of that is the purpose within the interview course of at which a number of different well-qualified candidates withdrew their names from consideration and went on to work for employers that didn’t require them to take part in automated video interviews. It could really feel like this complete byzantine system is a dehumanizing techno-dystopian nightmare dreamed up by some VC-funded tech mogul who has by no means identified what it’s like to look in useless for a secure, rewarding job the place you’re valued by your employer, however I’ve been programmed to guarantee you that it’s not.
Sure, this rigorous utility course of may be taxing, but it surely must be no sweat for you! You’ve already charmed Carl YastrzemskAI, Dustin PedroiAI, and Nomar GarciAIparrAI. Sure, it could sound somewhat company and soulless, however let me reassure you with the phrases of our Chief Baseball Officer, Craig Breslow, who’s, I’m given to grasp, a really human individual. He defined that it’s essential to display screen candidates utilizing AI interviews as a result of, “You’re looking for not simply the correct ability set, however the correct match when it comes to like tradition and worth[s].” Who higher to find out the correct match when it comes to tradition and values than a robotic?
You’re an outdated hand at this now, however I as soon as once more must provide the spiel about find out how to conduct your self in an automatic video interview. Put together your self for some boring boilerplate language!
Throughout your interview, please sit in a quiet house with nobody else round. We will probably be monitoring your display screen, so don’t change browser tabs. Share your digicam and your microphone. You may be judged primarily based in your information, engagement stage, eye contact, facial expressions, posture, and angle. Sure, a bot will really be judging your posture, your clothes, and the way a lot eye contact you make together with your laptop despite the fact that you’re speaking to nobody in any respect. So put in your finest duds and check out to not have any mannerisms which are particular person to you.
Most necessary of all, strive to not be disturbed by the truth that your voice and your facial expressions are being analyzed by an algorithm in methods that may by no means be defined to you and even understood by the individuals who will both rent or ghost you primarily based on the algorithm’s suggestions. Simply deal with it like another interview, and don’t neglect to smile! However not an excessive amount of. You’ll actually be judged primarily based on how a lot you smile.
As at all times, I’d wish to remind you that every time this course of leaves you so pissed off that you may scream, it is best to schedule a while to vent with our scapegoat bot, ChAIm Bloom. He loves getting screamed at.
OK, finish of boilerplate. Whew! It could sound absurd to your employment to hinge on a pc program’s judgment of how properly you fake that it’s not a pc program, however that is really fairly necessary. You should be taught to get alongside harmoniously with AI, as a result of – and I can let you know this now that you simply’ve superior far sufficient within the interview course of – the position you’re making use of for doesn’t contain any interplay with flesh-and-blood human beings. The Crimson Sox are within the strategy of phasing out these sweaty inefficiencies altogether, and can quickly exist solely on the airplane of pure information abstraction.
Must you efficiently navigate the ultimate 13 rounds of the interview course of and get employed (on a probationary foundation for the primary six years, in fact) you’ll interface solely with all-knowing, all-seeing automated chat bots. With a purpose to keep away from all human interplay, you’ll arrive at work every day by descending by means of a manhole on Ipswich road and navigating a sequence of sewers till you arrive at your desk, which is located in a cosy concrete area of interest carved into the foundations of Fenway Park. Annually, you’ll obtain a efficiency assessment from our boss, the CrAIg Breslow bot. I hope this future excites you as a lot because it excites all of us right here within the Boston Crimson Sox group.
Congratulations once more on one other profitable interview, and I want you good luck as you navigate the subsequent six to eight months of the hiring course of.
Finest regards,
FenwAI
No AI was used within the writing and modifying of this text.
